Needless to say, but being a mom is by far the hardest, and most rewarding, job I've ever had. The road bumps we have hit along the way were ones I never anticipated. I thought breastfeeding was something that would come naturally and it would be easy, once we got started. Was I ever wrong.... In the first hour after Brinlee was born, I immediately fed her so she could start getting the colostrum. She latched on, and I assumed things were going good. It hurt, but wasn't unbearable. I asked a nurse if she was latched on right, and she adjusted Brinlee's head (with her still attached) and got her latched on right. So, again, I assumed things were good. Well, over the course of the 2 days I was in the hospital, Brinlee managed to latch on incorrectly several times, and I never knew it. That's what I get for assuming She ended up causing some major damage to me, and I developed scabs. I was told this was normal (and I expected it) and that once I developed calluses, I would be fine. I was released from the hospital on Sunday, and on Monday afternoon, I was sitting in the lactation consultant's office, trying to figure out why I was still in pain, and to see again if Brinlee was latching on correctly. We made a few adjustments, and I was sent on my way.
Over the course of the next few days, the scabs went away and my nipples became cracked and bleeding. She was eating constantly, and crying and screaming in between. I tried feeding her on demand, and ending up feeding her 15 times in a 24 hour period. By Wednesday morning, I was a wreck and crying along with her. I woke Jared up at 4:30 a.m. so he could help me, and we ended up loading her into the truck and driving around for an hour just to calm her down. It was the only thing that worked and gave us any kind of relief. She had an appointment that day at 11:00, and it couldn't come fast enough. At her appointment, we were told that she had lost more than 10% of her body weight, which wasn't good, and that I wasn't producing enough milk for her. I was basically starving our baby. They wanted me to start supplementing, and said that should solve her crying fits. They gave us formula samples to try, so when we got home, I pumped and we gave her straight formula. She ate over 2 ounces, and after 15 minutes of pumping, I had only gotten 1 ounce - total. No wonder she was so hungry!!
Because of her aggressive eating, that Thursday was the last time I was able to feed her. I was going to pump, give her my milk and supplement until I healed. I figured that would take a couple of days - again, I was wrong!! That Sunday was the last time I attempted to feed her myself. I was crying before Jared handed her to me, and when she latched on, I started screaming because it hurt so bad. Jared took her from me, and I sobbed for the next 10 minutes. I couldn't believe the pain! Her mouth felt like razors. So what I thought would take a few days to heal, has now turned into 7 weeks. I was only able to feed my baby for 6 days. And I'm SO tired of pumping!! I feel like a dang milk cow hooked up to that machine....I'm praying I'll be able to feed her myself again one day SOON!!
Not being able to feed my baby and having to supplement hurt me more than I could have ever imagined. For the first 2 weeks of pumping and supplementing, I was an emotional wreck. I cried a lot, and felt like I wasn't a good mom because I couldn't provide for my baby. I think I was the only one upset by it!! Brinlee was gaining weight and caught up to the weight she needed to be at very quickly. Still, I just hated giving her formula!! For some reason, I am so against it. I know it's giving her what she needs, but it's not MY milk. I'm finally producing enough to where she gets my milk most of the time. Occasionally, she'll catch up to me and I'll have to give her some formula, but it's not for long!! She's almost 2 months old, but I feel like we're finally getting back on the right track!
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